Friday, 12 December 2008

Death of Misfortunate

I'm not referring to the site, because although it's not the original one, it's still up. (I think we're in the 4th generation, or greater. I can't remember.) I mean the "friendship". And it's unfortunate because I only began to value the group some years after high school ended. In high school, I felt like I had no one. I felt equally about everyone - I didn't invest any more time in one friend than another, and was annoyed by anyone who demanded any more of me than that.

I loved this circle of friends for 2 main reasons: I could be completely comfortable and myself with them (i.e. share my ugly opinions with them), and they didn't get on my case for being too busy. When prom came and I had no date, I went with them. Whose after-party did I choose to go to? When I think back to all of the enriched classes I took, who was there with me in every single one. The Science Olympics, Concert Band. They put no stock in what is generally expected of a "friend" which was so ideologically pleasing that it was delicious. To hell with kindness - we were opinionated.

But times are changing. Drunken documentary nights at Dave's are now sober movie night's at my place. After all of the diaspora, the number of attendees has dropped down to 4. And worst of all, there's that little wedge who's managed to selfishly weasel her way into our lives. I can't make her go away! And now what was once my safe haven, is no longer. It's heart-breaking because my general philosophy towards friendship never lent itself to my being "committed" to a regular group of friends. But somewhere in the last five years, I became "committed", even if I hadn't said it out loud. It isn't the case that I stay out of any strange sense of obligation to them, because I wouldn't dare burden anyone with that. Rather, no matter how much I dislike it, it's that I like them.
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