Saturday, 6 December 2008

Review of goals

I re-read my first post. I should have done that before the second post, and perhaps anytime before any subsequent post so that I may have realized sooner that I fell off track so quickly. Perhaps this is not quite a chronology of my life, but I certainly do use this forum to complain about personal issues.

I feel I should mention that I changed the name of my laptop from Ophelia to Desdemona shortly after writing that post.

I had hoped that this would evolve into a repository for my social opinions, but it has become a private junk yard of my unhappiest thoughts. I never seem to invest time in typing when I am happy. And whenever I feel like discussing current affairs, I find I do that face-to-face. So it is that my opinions can never be captured, and perhaps then neither will they be fleshed out. It makes me sad to think that a lot of views I`ve purported myself to have adopted are inconsistent.

So, today I re-read my first post, and have decided to abandon the plan. After all, it left me with less than 10 posts in one year. Not that anyone cares. I care at the moment.

I also re-read my old MSN Blog posts. I feel ill when I read them. They bring me back to such unhappy times. I want to delete them, but the part of me that wants a reminder that I've actually grown and changed in the last 3 years just can't let them go. So for now, I don't and instead consider posting my current thoughts on old topics. After all, in some spots, I asked myself how I'd feel about a dilemma when I was older. Well, here I am!

Working on this post makes me want to type more, and record more. I want to remember more of my life. I find it unfortunate that I tend not to record pleasant memories. Nowhere have I mentioned the new jobs I took on in the last year, what I've learned, the people I've met, the relationships I've built. I want to describe it all, but I don't feel passionately enough about it, and that usually results in me not liking reading about it months from now when I look back at previous posts.

I feel I should say something on atheism, but I have nothing more than a request to all to read Richard Dawkins' The Selfish Gene. The irrationality behind the existence of an omniscient, omnipresent, omnipotent being was enough for me to dismiss it as the lesser likely possibility when I was eight, but since that didn't work for everyone, I'm just going to start recommending literature.
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