Tuesday, 2 November 2010

Standards

When I was a teenager, and I told my sister that I wanted to be a singer, she started looking for every talent show and event that I could sing at and audition for.  She told me about the humble beginnings of a bunch of local singers and how they used every opportunity they could to sing and get exposure, and that that's what I needed to do, too.  But I couldn't do it.  There were just some events that I couldn't bring myself to be part of.  I dropped out of pageants, singing contests; I turned down shows.

I tried.  There were a lot of events and competitions that I had signed up for, but that I couldn't go through with.  For years, I questioned my drive.  After all, if I really wanted something, why couldn't I do "what it would take" to get there?  I began to believe that I just didn't want it enough.

But maybe it wasn't that at all.  I just wanted it a certain way, and I wouldn't compromise that.  For me to become a singer, there was a certain route I wanted to take, and no other.  Yet, given the low probability of "making it" the way that I hoped to make it, I persist.  I find it difficult to let go of dreams of making a living working autonomously on a project that is of personal interest to me.
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